It’s been a while…hello again.

Well, hello there! It’s been quite a while since we last chatted and to those of you who still read (or skim) this thing…my apologies. There really hasn’t been any driving force as to why I’ve not put digital pen to paper aside from simply not feeling inspired to write anything down. I have been very guilty lately of simply “going through the motions” and that really isn’t how we were meant to live. We have all been called to a higher purpose with specific skill sets and spiritual gifts to equip and execute those callings; yet, if we don’t use them, what are we doing?

Have you ever sat down and asked yourself, “what is it that I am doing?” or “what is this all for?” “is there really a purpose for ‘xyz’ that I am doing?” Truly. Have you every pondered these questions to any varying degree?

I know I have internally battled these questions for a while; and if I am really honest, longer than I really care to admit because it feels like failure and failure, to an Enneagram 3, is the kiss of death. Enneagram 3s (for those who don’t know) are the “achievers” or the “performers” who, at least externally, seem to have their poop in a group because, well that is what we are going to have you see. We adapt and pivot (as said as only Ross off of Friends could) to whatever scenario we find ourselves, which can be a very helpful attribute showcasing one’s resiliency in any circumstance. However, this trait can also screw ya over when attempting to figure out what exactly you want to do/become/be for you’ve spent so much time adapting and pivoting you don’t necessarily know deep down the answer to the age ole question, “what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Failing at something does not feel good. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to live within a space that creates any internal feelings of “ick” or discomfort. Failure creates that feeling and I want to avoid it like the plague–even though I do realize deep down through failure, we can learn massive amounts on how to improve. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”–Thomas Edison.

Oftentimes I feel others have some secret intel or have answered a questionnaire in which they have been able to figure out their purpose and I, for one, am desperate for them to share their “how to” knowledge. Wouldn’t that be lovely? A blueprint which maps out exactly what you’re to do with your skills and talents that also brings you joy and a feeling of purpose?!? I also know that purpose and calling are not always interchangeable terms. But why not? Why can’t they be interchangeable? Why can’t our calling fulfill the purpose? Because our purpose is all the same–to honor and glorify God and lead others to get to know Him; but each one of us as a specific calling placed upon our lives to help fulfill the purpose. If we all had the same purpose (or skill set or talent or spiritual gifts), we would inevitably leave out a massive amount of people getting to know our Heavenly Father.

Well, long story short (as per the usual), that is the question I am struggling with at the minute as I currently face the cliff’s edge of my comfort zone. I am not entirely sure what the next chapter holds for me. How can I adequately and effectively use the skills I’ve been given and honed to fulfill my purpose? What have I been called to do? Why can’t I seem to hear that small voice which has appeared to tell others what they’re to do? Am I not being still enough? Is my small voice quieter than others? I know; I’m too loud and can’t hear my small voice’s voice so I’ll be more still and quieter. But doesn’t that defeat the purpose? We are to take action for if we don’t how can we use the gifts and skills and tools we have been equipped with?!?! Fun being inside my thoughts isn’t it? But, surely I am not alone in this struggle. There are billions of people in this world who also don’t have their poop in a group despite the filter applied to their social media.

So, I guess, if you’re still reading to this point–thank you and by golly are you patient–this is where we are headed. In this next chapter, season of life, whatever we end up calling it, we are going to attempt to see if we cannot determine the calling on our lives in hopes of fulfilling our purpose.

Until next time…


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